Video Game Characters I’d Start A Business With
January 31, 2023Sometimes we all get in that weird overly confident headspace that says we should open a business to beat the economy. For whatever reason, that idea usually seems to include a bizarre idea for a bar that probably wouldn’t work, but I’m not one to judge anyone. Starting a business isn’t the best bet for every person, but I know we all have that one business idea we think would make us millionaires, even if it doesn’t seem all that feasible.
There are tons of video game characters I’d open a business with, and for all sorts of reasons. Maybe someone has that spark and passion that comes along with a desire for world domination that could be applied to a business. Others just bring their own unique flair and that means I’m ready to go into business.
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10 The Happy Mask Salesman
The Happy Mask Salesman may already have himself a pretty lucrative and kind of creepy business, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t diversify. I’d work with that child-shaking madman any day of the week.
Who wouldn’t want to go into business with someone so shrewd? Obviously, I’d have to look the other way or just not ask questions on a lot of things; we all know he’s not afraid to enlist kids to work for him. He’s a mysterious figure, and opening a shop with him might just give me the key to becoming a millionaire.
9 Albert Wesker
You might argue that Wesker would totally just betray me once the business took off, and you might be right on that, but what can I say? I can change him. The biggest draw of a guy like Wesker is his never-ending desire to reach his goals.
With him by my side, we’d be able to achieve complete global saturation of whatever product we decided to sell. Obviously, I’d try to avoid anything having to do with Resident Evil pharmaceuticals, but Wesker has to have business interests outside of that. Maybe we could open a cupcake shop or something, who knows?
8 Sora
As long as I could get past Sora’s power of friendship shtick, I think I’d be fine going into business with him. No one will need to pay thousands of dollars for a vacation to Disney World when they could head over to Sora’s Friendship Emporium.
Rather than hanging out with actors in suits, you could be hanging out with the real characters in the real world. It might involve a gummy ship flight or two, but I bet gummy ship gas is way cheaper than what we’ve got right now.
7 Steve
Minecraft’s Steve might just be the perfect character to go into business with considering he wields unlimited power that could only be stopped by a creeper. I could literally pick a business type out of a hat and Steve would have it built by hand five minutes later.
You need glass? Steve’s got an inventory full of sand ready to go. Need a house built? It might be a bit blocky, but no one’s going to argue when Steve starts working his magic. It’s also possible to get weird with it and open up a kind of DJ service with Steve’s note blocks.
6 Tifa
The Seventh Heaven might not really seem like the most popular bar around, but that’s just because Tifa was all off with her branding. We’d be the greatest pair of bar owners this side of the slums.
I’ll handle all the branding and business operations, maybe go for something a bit weird or even Chocobo-themed (everyone loves Chocobos), and she can handle the bar and security on her own. We’ve all seen how many pull-ups she can do: no one’s going to be messing with Tifa.
5 Cream The Rabbit
I know what you’re thinking, “why would you pick a character from the Sonic universe that I completely forgot existed?” and the answer to that is because she’s basically a Chao whisperer. A real-life Chao garden would become the new cat cafe.
Think about it: there you are, drinking a delicious cup of coffee while you watch an adorable Chao run around with its friends. Adding a kind of adoption service for those who want a Chao of their own would only add to how much the business would take off.
4 Tingle
Maps may be a bit less utilized these days, but I still believe in Tingle. With the kind of energy and enthusiasm the fairy-loving Zelda mainstay has, it would be impossible for any business venture he went into to fail.
One second he’s shouting in your ear, and the next he’s floating thanks to a big red balloon. The sheer questions that would be generated by a person like Tingle alone would be more than enough to entice people to see what it was that we were selling.
3 Mr. Torgue
In this instance, I think it would be more, I’d hope Mr. Torgue would allow me to open a business with him. It would have to be something with the same explosive impact that he’s used to, but because that doesn’t exactly fly in the real world, I’d help him channel that energy into books.
That’s right. The loud Borderlands salesman will revitalize the entire fiction industry by absolutely screaming at anyone in earshot about the sheer, explosive joys of reading a good book. I’d even let Mr. Torgue make some audiobooks so the whole world could enjoy his dulcet tones reading their favorite book.
2 Shang Tsung
After all of Shang Tsung’s failures in Mortal Kombat, I’m thinking the guy has to be feeling at least a bit dejected. It may seem cruel, but I’d capitalize on that and convince him to begin an exciting business of birthday performers with me.
He’d be the sole performer, but considering he could be anyone, the gig would be perfect. A few people might have to lose their souls, but that’s just a small price to pay. If someone like Seth Green wouldn’t show up to a kids birthday party (although I bet he would if someone asked nicely), we can just get Shang Tsung to do the hard work.
1 Kirby
Going into business with Kirby could only result in one company. It would be a disposal company, one that could solve tons of the world’s problems. The pink puffball could simply absorb the world’s trash, and that ugly old lamp your grandma won’t let go of.
It would be a careful dance though, because realistically, Kirby would have all the leverage in the business. If it were suddenly upset, there’s no telling what kind of havoc it could unleash upon the world. I’d probably be fine though: the only power it would get from me is procrastination.
